If you want to start something, you’ve gotta start somewhere….

Sitting, cross- legged and feet- tucked, in the seat at my desk, leaned back and exhaling my boredom away, I remember the things that I forget to remember, and make another list of things “to-do” with my life. The list only seems to get longer, while the check marks drown out in scarcity. Travel to France? Paint my nails?Get my passport? Give my Chow Chow a bath? Write a journal entry for the day?  Take a break?….hmmp…. seems like um… there are still some things to be done.  As I further waste my time, I focus more on what it is I want to do; things I desire to do in my life, what I’m actually trying to accomplish, so I’m not stuck here in the conundrum of Corporate America. I want the evanescence of this experience to be fruitful, in that it identifies only what I want to tell my future children to avoid- working a job for the ends, and forgetting all about the means. The “means” as in, I mean to do what I love, but can’t find the time for it, because my job is draining the life out of me. Like how I intend to write- everyday, not because it makes me any money or because I get any notoriety, but because it makes me happy. It frees me- it releases my hopes and dreams into the world and allows me to believe in the beauty of my capabilities. Not to mention I’ve hit the reality that I’m 25, and it’s time for me to start hardcore believing in myself. In this moment, I’ve realized that nothing is more stark than the contrast of all I want to accomplish, and everything I’m not doing to get there.

 Reality check…one, two, one two…..

As I listen to my co-workers gripe and moan, scratch off losing lotto tickets, and struggle with mid- life crises, my thoughts hop around like the pointer finger- or should I say- single typing finger of my senior counterparts. And then it hits me- like how you stub your toe after you say something that wasn’t so nice- if I want to write everyday and develop all these ideas and thoughts, rather than planning what I should write everyday for the next month (trust me I actually did this) maybe I should…. just start writing perhaps? As in…now.

How simple and bittersweet a thought. So often, us mere mortals dream of all the things we want, but forget to put ourselves into the equation to receive them. We can’t win a race we don’t run. So I’ve decided to come off of the sidelines and engage myself in the very thing I daydream about and hope for myself. Period. What else did you expect me to say? No flash, no flair. The beginning of your dreams is where you decide to begin, and once you’ve accomplished that (by far the hardest part), the rest is just a journey that you have to navigate.

Interestingly enough, the hardest committment to make is the one to myself. Sure, I can show up at work enough days to keep my job. Not to mention that, while I’m here, I exceed my bosses expectations, simply by my thirst for knowledge and how I have a way of haphazardly accumulating information that no one else cared to know, making me a resource. Perhaps that’s why I’ve landed a Corporate job most that most consider to be their career at the age of 25 with only college experience in tow, no degree, and training that I can say I’ve truly cultivated for myself. My only mission since I was 16 and able to work, was to get the next best job, that makes the most money, that I can qualify for with my accumulated experience. Simple enough right? Well it worked; despite the fact that Corporate America isn’t my cup of tea, or that I’m tickled at the idea of walking into this magnificent building everyday alongside people who take their jobs way too seriously. I’d rather be recognized for staying true to myself and making my personal dreams come true the way I made my 9-6 work for me. Or for not saying “I work because I have to,” but saying “I write because I want to,” and it allows me to live the life I’ve always dreamed of

. That’s what I truly want. That’s the mission.

I know I’m capable of persevering and carving out a path for myself, because I’ve done it- I just chose the wrong avenue. If I had any advice for my younger self, it would be, to follow my dreams with the same perseverance as I am willing to put into my job, and never let my desires be more abundant than my actions, or I’ll only be left with wishes and dreams.

So there it is- I’ve said it. I’ve released it into the universe to manifest my destiny in ways I wouldn’t be able to imagine if I thought it up. I won’t brood over it, and I won’t hope for an outcome. Doing so will only limit it’s potential of greatness. I won’t set any boundaries upon it. I will just do, and everyday I will walk in the knowledge that I’ve been searching for, yet carrying around for so long- decide what you want to do and do it. Simply. My only goal at this point is happiness, and that’s the same message I’ll teach my future kids and their kids. No- I’m not quitting my job, I’ll still do as I must, but along with that responsibility is doing what I have to do in order to be happy, and not being afraid to take the first step to open my doors to good things. So back to work now, whatever that means for you.

“Develop knowledge of the things that interest you. Partake in only what you choose to do, and do it wholeheartedly.”

All of my love,

-K. Ducasse